7 Things emotionally intelligent people DON’T say

Emotional Intelligence is one of the most important power skills that every professional needs.

Emotionally intelligent people are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, open to feedback and collaboration, and capable of building rapport (= establishing a connection) with others.

What they DON’T do is use the following 7 phrases.

1. You always / you never

For example: “You always message me after work hours” or “You’re never happy with my work no matter what I do”.

What’s wrong with this phrase? Emotionally intelligent people don’t point fingers when they point out issues. They focus on solving the problem and inspiring people to improve rather than launching personal attacks.

Instead, you could say:

“I feel like my work is not meeting your expectations. Can you tell me what you’d like me to change so that we’re on the same wavelength?”

2. Why are you so…?

For example: “Why are you so uncooperative?”

This question provokes an even more negative response instead of de-escalating the issue.

It sounds like you’re blaming the person for being a certain way. This guarantees to put them on the defensive.

Instead, you could say:

“Help me understand your perspective.” or “Why do you feel this way about my proposal?”

The idea is to get the person to share their perspective free of judgment so you can reach a consensus.

3. Whatever / Doesn’t matter

These can often sound plain disrespectful. For example:

• I can share these files with you if you want.
• Yeah ok, whatever.

Or

• Would you like to learn more about our mission?
• Thanks but it doesn’t really matter right now

When used like that, these phrases demonstrate very poor empathy. What’s the alternative? Just don’t use them when you respond to suggestions or offers.

Use them only when you want to say that there is no wrong option or something is genuinely not important.

For example: It doesn’t really matter when we complete this task because we don’t have a strict deadline for it.

4. That’s how I’ve always done it before

When you explain why you did something a certain way by saying “That’s just how I’ve always done it before” — this makes you come across as an inflexible person who is not open to learning.

Instead, try saying:

“Do you think there’s a more effective approach to doing this? I’d like to learn about it”

5. I don’t have time for this

This phrase sounds very disrespectful. It’s like you’re saying that you’re busier than everyone else and more important than them, and that’s not the kind of attitude you want to have with your colleagues or clients.

Instead, say:

“I can’t fit it into my schedule” or simply “Would you be able to take on this task? I would highly appreciate it”.

6. I’ll try

This phrase often shows a lack of commitment and motivation. More often than not it means “I want to end this conversation and NOT do the thing you want me to do”.

Remember that it’s ok to disagree or clarify what needs to be done rather than avoiding a task by making vague promises.

For example, if your coworker says:

Can you automate this process?

You can say:

I’d love to but I don’t really know how I would go about it. Do you have any ideas by any chance?

7. It’s impossible / This can’t be done / We can’t do that

Emotionally intelligent people are never too quick to shut down ideas or possibilities because they understand the importance of fostering an innovative and forward-thinking work culture.

Instead, they are likely to say:

“How about we push this task to the back burner for now?” or “This will be challenging because our team doesn’t have any prior experience in this area. Can you explain why we would need this? I might be able to dig around and think of a solution.”

It’s important to note that using these phrases doesn’t necessarily mean you lack emotional intelligence. At the end of the day, as long as you can communicate with politeness and empathy, you will continue to develop your potential and grow your emotional intelligence.

Would you like to enhance your power skills (= people skills and soft skills)? Sign up for our brand-new course Power Skills For Tech.